List of points

Some people make mistakes through weakness — on account of the fragile clay we are all made of — but retain the Church’s doctrine in its integrity.

They are the ones who, with the grace of God, display heroic courage and humility in acknowledging their mistakes and firmly defending the truth.

You wrote to tell me that you have at last gone to confession and that you experienced the humiliation of having to open the sewer — that is what you say — of your life to “a man”.

When will you get rid of that feeling of vain self-esteem? You will then go to confession extremely happy to show yourself as you are to “that man”, who, being anointed, is a Christ — Christ himself — and gives you absolution, God’s forgiveness.

Christmas time. You write: “Together with the holy expectation of Mary and Joseph, I also impatiently await the Child. How happy I shall feel at Bethlehem! I have a feeling that I won’t be able to contain this joy without bounds. Yes! but, with Him, I also want to be born anew.”

—I hope you really mean what you say!

Once again you had gone back to your old follies!… And afterwards, when you returned, you didn’t feel very cheerful, because you lacked humility.

It seems as if you obstinately refuse to learn from the second part of the parable of the prodigal son, and you still feel attached to the wretched happiness of the pig-swill. With your pride wounded by your weakness, you have not made up your mind to ask for pardon, and you have not realised that, if you humble yourself, the joyful welcome of your Father God awaits you, with a feast to mark your return and your new beginning.

“Father, following your advice, I laugh at my weaknesses — without forgetting that I can’t give in — and then I feel much happier.

But when I am silly enough to become sad, it seems to me that I am losing the way.”

We have to foster in our souls a true horror for sin. Lord — say it with a contrite heart — may I never offend you again!

But don’t be frightened when you become aware of the burden of your poor body and of human passions: it would be silly and childishly naive to find out now that “this” exists. Your wretchedness is not an obstacle but a spur for you to become more united to God and seek him constantly, because He purifies us.

As, sooner or later, you are surely bound to stumble upon the evidence of your own personal wretchedness, I wish to forewarn you about some of the temptations which the devil will suggest to you and which you should reject straight away. These include the thought that God has forgotten about you, that your call to the apostolate is in vain, and that the weight of sorrow and of the sins of the world are greater than your strength as an apostle…

—None of this is true!

It really did hurt you deeply when you were told that what you were looking for was not your conversion, but a coffer for your miseries. In that way you would be able to carry on comfortably — but with a taste of bitter aloes — bearing that sorry load.

You are ashamed, before God, and before the others. You have discovered filth within yourself both old and renewed: there is no evil instinct or tendency that you do not feel under your skin. And you also carry a cloud of uncertainty in your heart. Furthermore, temptation arises when you least want it or expect it, when your will is weakened by tiredness.

You no longer know whether it humiliates you, although it hurts you to see yourself like this. But let it hurt you because of Him, and for Love of Him. This contrition of love will help you to remain vigilant, for the fight will last as long as we live.

Those periods of depression, because you see your defects or because others discover them, have no foundation…

—Ask for true humility.

“I am still a poor creature”, you tell me.

But once, when you realised it, you felt very bad about it! Now, without getting used to it or giving in to it, you are starting to make a habit of smiling, and of beginning your fight again with growing joy.

“Immaculate Virgin, I know well that I am only a miserable wretch, and all I do is increase each day the number of my sins… ” You told me the other day that was how you spoke to Our Mother.

And I was confident in advising you with assurance to say the Holy Rosary. Blessed be that monotony of Hail Marys which purifies the monotony of your sins!