The discouragement produced by your repeated lack of generosity, your lapses, your falls which perhaps are only apparent often makes you feel as if you had broken something of exceptional value (your sanctification).
Don't be worried: apply to your supernatural life the wise way simple children have of solving such a conflict.
They have broken nearly always because of its fragility something their father values greatly. They are sorry, perhaps they shed tears, but... they go to seek consolation from the owner of what has been damaged by their awkwardness, and their father forgets the value great though it may be of the broken object and, filled with tenderness, he not only pardons, but consoles and encourages the little one. Learn.