You don't conquer yourself, you don't practise self denial, because you are proud. You lead a life of penance? Don't forget that pride is compatible with penance... Furthermore: your sorrow, after your falls, after your failures in generosity is it true sorrow or is it the petty disappointment of seeing yourself so small and helpless? How far you are from Jesus if you are not humble..., even though your disciplines each day bring forth fresh roses!